Introduction

If you are concerned that someone you care about is experiencing depression, you have probably noticed changes in that person’s mood, thoughts, feelings and the way they act around you. It is likely these changes have lasted longer than you would have expected (not just a bad day, or a bad mood) and have caused you concern.  Though there are many specific ways to tell that someone has depression, the first thing you may notice is that you have a feeling in your gut that someone you know is struggling and down. It is good to follow your instincts and encourage anyone you are concerned about to get help.

Check out the following cards for some things that you might observe if a person you know is depressed.

How they may look

• There may be a change in how they take care of themselves – you may notice they are not showering, changing clothes or taking an interest in make-up or haircuts, etc.
• They may look down or sad, or even show no emotion at all. They could also appear angry or anxious.

How they may act or behave

• They may sleep for hours and yet still act and feel tired.
• Some people may cry a lot, but others may seem very irritable or angry when they are feeling sad (this is particularly the case for men).
• They may overreact to things – get angry, sad or offended easily.
• They may no longer want to do the things that they used to enjoy doing.
• They don’t want to be with friends or family and seem to prefer to be left alone.
• They may lose their appetite and can’t eat or may eat more than usual.
• They can’t remember things, they have a hard time making decisions and they can’t concentrate on conversation, TV, reading, social media, studying, or simple tasks, etc.

How they may talk or what they might say

You may notice that they are often saying things like:

• “I’m totally worthless.”
• “I just can’t take it.”
• “What’s the point?”
• “I wish I could just not wake up.”
• “I’m messing everything up in my life.”
• “I’ve let people down.”
• “I don’t feel well.” (or other physical complaints such as a headache or stomach ache)

What you may see on social media

• Posting comments such as “I hate myself,” or “I suck at everything.”
• Posting dark poetry or quotes, disturbing songs or videos
• Using hashtags that are connected to worrisome trends
• Using sad, distressed emoticons or emoticons of destructive things such as guns, knives, etc…

Educate yourself about depression

To learn more about depression click here.

If you think someone you know is depressed

• Let them know you are concerned
• Suggestions on how you can start this conversation include:
  • “I’m worried about you because you seem…” (e.g., really down or sad a lot of the time, to be spending most of your day in bed and are missing all of your classes, etc.)
  • “It concerned me when you said…” and be specific about what you heard
  • “Do you want to talk about it?”; “What can I do to help?”
• Tell them what you have noticed and why it worries you
• Listen (really, listen) if they are willing to share their worries with you
  • Try to avoid judgment or jumping to conclusions
  • Don’t feel like you have to have all the answers
  • Be comfortable with silence
• Be there for them
  • Sometimes just knowing that someone cares and is there for them is all someone needs to get through a difficult time
  • Let them know that it is possible to feel better and they are not alone
  • Offer to help (for example, make their bed, straighten up their desk, help with laundry or other chores, etc.)
  • Someone may not be ready to follow your advice and seek help. Continue to revisit the issue over time so they know you can support them whenever they are ready

It is time to get additional help for someone who you think is depressed when

• Their emotions or behaviors become too intense
• Their difficulties are lasting too long (weeks) without a break
• Their struggles disrupt their daily life
• Your gut just tells you something is not right

Connect them to resources

If you feel your friend or loved one may be depressed, they might benefit from therapy or treatment. Be direct about your concern and open to finding a way to ease their anxiety about seeking help:

• Let them know that treatment can help
• Share a story about how you or someone you know struggled and how professional support helped
• Offer to look online with them to help find some good treatment options (SAMHSA Behavioral Health Treatment Locator)
• Maybe they need help taking the first step to get help:
  • Help make the first phone call to a counselor or counseling center if they are at college
  • Offer to go with them to the first appointment at the counselor’s office or to the counseling center
• At any time, you can reach out to Crisis Text Line (CTL) to ask for advice or your friend or loved one can reach out to get support. Crisis Text Line serves anyone, experiencing any difficulty, providing access to free support and information via text. Here’s how it works:
  • Text START to 741-741 from anywhere in the USA
  • A live, trained Crisis Counselor receives the text and responds quickly
• Make it clear that you will follow-up to find out how it went and what their plan will be
• Someone may not be ready to follow your advice and seek help. Continue to revisit the issue over time so they know you will support them whenever they are ready

In some cases, people who are depressed have thoughts of suicide

If you are concerned that someone is having thoughts of self-harm, it is important to take it seriously and do your best to get them help as soon as possible. Call the Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), contact Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741-741) or if you feel someone is in immediate danger, dial 911.

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