Introduction

It is important for friends and families to trust themselves if they feel concerned that someone is struggling with eating issues. Problem eating can escalate into a full-blown eating disorder that requires medical attention, so it is always best to talk about your concerns as soon as you notice that something about a friend’s eating habits concerns you.

Though many people with eating problems keep their behaviors secret, there are some things you might notice that could help you decide to encourage your friend or loved one to get help. Click through to learn more.

How they may look

• Excessively thin
• Tired and worn out
• Hair that is coarse and thinning
• They seem to always have chapped lips and/or swollen, red gums
• Wearing extra large clothing or completely covering up even when it might be hot outside (trying to hide their low weight)

How they may act or behave

• Very focused on being thin
• Regularly and intentionally skipping meals, or eating tiny bits of food at a meal, pushing food around on a plate without eating (called restricting)
• Eating very large quantities of food in one sitting (called binging)
• They often have rigid rules and rituals about what foods they will allow themselves to eat; constant calorie counting
• Excessive exercise beyond the normal work out, sometimes for hours a day
• Going to the bathroom immediately after every meal (a possible sign of purging – throwing up)
• Keeping laxatives or diuretics in their bathroom or bag.
• Frequently make excuses to avoid group meals or social events that involve food
• They may act irritable and/or down

How they may talk or what they might say

• Frequent negative comments about their body.
• Constantly describing themselves as fat when they appear to be normal or below normal weight.
• Girls with eating problems might tell you that they no longer have their period
• They may talk about fear of gaining weight even if they are very thin

Things you can do

If you believe that someone you know is struggling with problem eating, here are things you can do:

• Let them know you are concerned
• Tell them what you have noticed and why it worries you
• Some ways to start this conversation include:
  • “I’m worried about you because you seem…” (e.g., to be weak all the time, you are exercising all day, etc)
  • “It concerned me when you …” and be specific about what you saw or heard
  • “Do you want to talk about it?”; “What can I do to help?”
  • Let them know that it is possible to feel better
  • Be willing to sit in silence with them, remind them they are not alone
  • Help them out – make their bed, organize their desk, pitch in with their chores, ask them to do something that doesn’t involve exercise such as going to a movie, or watching a video, etc.

Don’t feel like you have to have all of the answers.

It is time to get additional help when

It is time to get additional help for someone who you think has an eating disorder when:

• They say they can’t cope with their difficulties
• They are too weak to do the normal things most young people do (go to school, go to work, hang out with friends, shop, sports, etc)
• They talk about physical problems that most young people don’t talk about (for example, they feel their heart pounding, they feel short of breath, or they frequently feel faint)

Connect them to resources

• Share your belief that treatment can help
• Share a story about how you or someone you know struggled with an eating disorder and how professional support helped
• Offer to look online with the person to help find some good treatment options (SAMHSA Behavioral Health Treatment Locator)
• Maybe they need help taking the first step to get help:
  • Help make the first phone call to a counselor or counseling center if they are at college
  • Offer to go with them to the first appointment at the counselor’s office or to the counseling center
  • Make it clear that you will follow-up to find out how it went and what their plan will be
• Someone may not be ready to follow your advice and seek help. Continue to revisit the issue over time so they know you will support them whenever they are ready

Get immediate help when

Sometimes people who struggle with eating disorders experience serious and sudden medical difficulties. In that case, call 911 or contact campus police if you are in school.

Another great resource is Crisis Text Line (CTL). At any time, you can reach out to CTL to ask for advice or your friend or loved one can reach out to get support. Text START to 741-741.

Learn more

To learn more about eating disorders click here.