Introduction

Maybe it has taken a friend longer than usual to return a call or text. Perhaps you ran into them, and something just seemed off. You aren’t sure if it’s a big deal, but something in your gut tells you to be concerned. Is this just your friend having a bad day, or is there something more serious going on?

It is common to have periods of difficulty and emotional struggle throughout our lives – adjustment challenges can be a normal part of life. At times, these difficulties are no more than brief challenges that are not worrisome. However, in some instances, common adjustment issues can become overwhelming or bring about serious problems that require help. So as you think about your friend or loved one, you may be wondering, “How can I tell if there’s serious cause for concern?”

Some common signs include

Some common signs* that someone is experiencing a significant challenge include:

• Excessive worry
• Feeling sad or acting irritable
• Problems with concentration or memory
• Extreme variability in mood
• Avoiding social activities or interacting with friends
• Changes in sleeping or eating habits
• Changes in energy level
• Changes in appearance/hygiene
• Abuse of substances (such as alcohol or drugs)
• Talking about suicide

*Adapted from: National Alliance on Mental Health (NAMI) – Know the Warning Signs

What you can do to try to help

• Reach out and let them know you are concerned
• Tell them what you have noticed and why it concerns you
• Listen (really listen) if they are willing to share their feelings or talk about their problems with you
  • Try to avoid being judgmental and avoid jumping to conclusions
  • Be comfortable with silence – don’t push them
• Tell them you know it is possible to feel better
• Let them know they are not alone – be there for them
• Keep lines of communication and connection open – they may not be able or willing to hear your concerns or take your advice the first time you bring it up. Make sure they know you will support them and that help is there when they are ready.

It may be time to get additional help when

Things you notice that may indicate it’s time to get help for someone:

• Problems are severe or intense, last a long time or keep getting worse
• Difficulties seem to be repeating themselves
• They say that they are overwhelmed and can’t help themselves
• Challenges are interfering with normal (day-to-day) functioning
• The usual ways of dealing with things don’t seem to be working
• Comments suggesting thoughts or impulses to self-harm or harming others are present:
  • “I give up.”
  • “I wish I could just not wake up.”
  • “I could just kill my teacher.”
  • “My aunt has a gun in her dresser.”
  • “I saved up a bunch of pills from when my Mom had surgery.”
• You can’t put your finger on it, and it isn’t clear what exactly is going on, but your gut tells you something really isn’t right

If you or someone you know needs helps now, call the Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), contact Crisis Text Line by texting START to 741741 or call 911-especially if there feels like any immediate danger to self or others.

If you want to talk to your friend about your concern, but aren’t sure how to go about it, visit SeizeTheAwkward.org.